the art of acceptance
“I want to stop caring about what other people think or feel about me.” This is one of the most common things I hear from clients, regardless of what their main issue is for seeking therapy. It is also the very thing I struggled with personally for most of my life.
What I have found to be most helpful for myself and those I work with is the concept of acceptance.
Doing my own inner work around this issue led me to realize that caring what other people think or feel is a common human experience. Not only is it common, it seems to be more prominent in individuals who are highly sensitive or empathic. I started asking myself the question— what if I could accept this part of who I am?
As I began to consider what it might look like to accept this part of who I am, I realized two things:
Accepting the fact that I care means I can release self-judgment, which grants permission to care.
Permission to care about what someone thinks or feels can be separated from feeling responsible for someone’s thoughts or feelings.
If you find yourself caring what others think or feel, I invite you to consider allowing yourself to feel those feelings. Feel concerned, worried, or even burdened by your care without being responsible for what others think or feel. In other words, it is not your job to manage the thoughts and feelings of others. You can relinquish yourself from trying to mind-read, predict, or persuade others. Return to yourself, know who you are, and allow that to be your anchor.
Its incredibly difficult for us— empaths and the highly sensitive— to accept when someone feels disappointed or upset with us. When this occurs in my own relationships, I remind myself of my innate imperfectness. I am going to disappoint and hurt others, whether it is my honest mistake or the other person’s perception of my behavior. Nevertheless, rupture in relationships is inevitable and not necessarily indicative of any person’s character or identity.
Give yourself permission to feel how you feel.
Give permission for others to feel how they feel.
Remember that feelings are temporary and no feeling lasts forever.
Even the same feeling has a pulse and moves on a spectrum of intensity.
Accept your nature to care what others think or feel, and accept your inability to manage their experiences.
